2.24.10

Excuse me for being all over the place tonight...but it's Feb 24...Today is the day before my dad's birthday. Feb 24 has been a big day every year now for 3 years. Last year was exciting! Two people close to me committed their life to Christ. The seed had been planted the year before when I moved to Oklahoma...then later moved in with Lisa and her son (who became my weekend little brother when he was there!) So, Chris, one of my high school students, in a public school made a huge commitment and accepted Christ as his Savior...a decision that changed him from th inside out. Sitting on the back steps of the alternative school I worked at, I gave Chris my dad's coin he had given me when we pinned him Col (little did I know only 5-8 were made for him...oops:( More or less, I had clung to that coin exactly a year before when the man of my life decided to leave my life forever, and for me...that coin meant a lot...it was a constant reminder of the courage my father has and my heavenly Father...hope for a breath of fresh air and the energy to keep running this race. Hope that God has a greater plan than I could ever make with my over abundance planners and to-do lists...For Chris, a young man with a history of bad decisions, a family of violence and drugs...a reminder that Jesus brings hope to the hopeless, and a future with a purpose. Today...my photography mentor and dear friend, mandY, miscarried a child that had been her prayer for over a year. My heart weaps for my friend...and had I not found out as 9:30 when I got home tonight, I would have taken my car to Oklahoma when I got off work at 5 :*(

Seriously. If I didn' have a future neice due tomorrow...I've driven to Little Rock and back in 24 hours don't test me; it's a road trip long over-due and something I DON'T need directions for=)

mandY,
You and T are in my prayers tonight. Tonight, my dad muted the Olympics to share something with me, that I want to share with you. It was very touching to hear my dad share this part of my history:
In 1982.5 (yes, that's how my dad worded it) my parents had a miscarriage (pre-mandI days). It was hard for them both, but for my dad, as most men, he wanted to know why...and how...and how can he continue to support my mom in the midst of him needing a deep comfort and support as well. Keep in mind this is before you could "google" anything so my dad out searching for "how" and "why" meant a lot of time praying, searching throught the bible and other books. Searching meant reading books and going to bookstores!! At some point he found this letter that a woman wrote and had published in a magazine...to this day he still has the original page of that magazine but has typed the letter out to give to fellow friends and family that have experienced similar heartaches. mandY, this is for you. I love you, but God loves you more than I or anyone ever could. His love is blind to our flaws and in abundance in a way that we cannot understand. I hope you KNOW that as your husband holds you close tonight as you sleep. Know that God knows better for you than we can plan out on our own. Love you girl,
mandI

Dear Little Baby…I’ll never be able to hold you in my arms, but I will love you always

By Jennifer Sullivan



It’s been only three days since I lost you, and all I can do is think of you and cry. My grief at times seems unbearable. You meant so much to me—such lovely hopes and dreams.

You were truly a miracle to me. We had wanted a baby for so long. There had been seven years of doctors and tests. At times I was sure we were never going to have you. But when I finally got pregnant, I knew it right away—within two weeks—and I was right.

I was 36 years old, and you were my first pregnancy. You were the answer to so many prayers. I didn’t think anything could happen to you. I was so happy. I told everyone about you. People were so kind and loving—they seemed truly happy for us.

Nothing could have made your father and me happier. Every morning I woke up joyous with the thought of you and what our lives would be like together—the three of us. Life itself had new meaning. I’d never felt so close to God, and each day I would thank Him for you and pray that I would have a happy, healthy pregnancy and give birth to a healthy baby.

Carrying you was the happiest and proudest time of my life. I love your father more than anything in the world. And you made our love seem so complete. To know that he and I and God had created human life together made me happy every moment of every day.

But then I lost you….And when it happened, people felt our sadness—and even strangers shared our grief. A nurse at the hospital held me until your father could be with me so I wouldn’t be alone. A lady at church—the first time I went back to Mass—cried with me and told me of two babies she had lost years before. She told me how it still hurts her and how she knows I will never forget you. Friends sent us flowers and told us we were in their thoughts and prayers. Our priest comforted us, and we talked about how you did have a soul—you were real—you were and always will be my baby. And now you are with God in Heaven—and one day I will know you. You can never really be taken from me—you are part of me.

Now I look at life—and the time we have here on earth—differently. I feel more love and compassion and understanding for others. Every moment with your father is more precious. Life is more fragile and certainly more cherished.

I pray that we will have another baby—but I know it will never be the same as with you. I know I will never again be able to have exactly the same feelings as I have had with you.

I accept that God took you. I do not understand, but I accept God’s will and I know he has a reason for all that he does. I am not angry with God. I love Him and I know that He loves me, and you were a precious and beautiful gift from Him. I thank Him with all my heart for our brief time together.



Love,

Your Mother

Love is...celebrating

Happy one week of being Mrs. Jessica Mull!!!!! Come in and see me soon!! :)

YES to the dress!!

So, wedding talk with me for a minute…okok, DRESS talk with me =)
I am not super picky about too many things in life...but I always have a list of things I DONT want...so in my mind that makes me flexible. Wedding dress, however, I want two things: elegant AND one-shoulder. I swam too much in life to feel girly and pretty in strapless dresses. My broad football player-like shoulders do not feel pretty and "girly" in anything strappless...I love the destinaton dresses, but not too much of a destination dress that it looks like a white prom dress…AND you should know that I am in love with Maggie Sottero’s dresses…not a must have, but she has a lot of elegant glam that I just adore! I've had this one dress in mind...but I have had a difficult time wanting the dress and smiling at the price-tag that is attached. When you see a price tag on a dress usually it means only more things are to come just around the corner to pay for too:
1. Alterations
2. Veil
3. Shoes
4. Any additions (I am adding a feathery/vintage flower to the dress)
5. Naturally...tax
So...a thousand dollars never means a thousand dollars, but more closer to $1,400 at least when all is said and done!! I always thought wedding dress shopping would be a day of me, and my mom, and JoEllen, and a few of my girls hanging out running around St. Louis trying on dresses and drinking coffee that cost more than the gas we’d put back in the car at the end of the night. I did get to spend Valentine’s day trying on a few dresses with Brooke and JoEllen…but everything until and after then has been me, myself, and I. I know my schedule sucks, but I absolutely have to make the best of it right now. Thursdays the studio doesn’t open till 1 which usually gives me a little bit of time to run around and get some things done…I’ve basically done everything for the wedding on Thursday mornings between 9am-1pm. So far so good.

Thursday morning after topping off the gas and my mocha craving, the Orange Gremlin and I were off on a little St. Louis adventure.


I had heard a lot about a little shop called Clarices so I decided to venture across the river and onto 44 into the city. I have seen so many dresses in my days with MandY at Dinsmore that dress shopping has been a little underwhelming=( what I want I’m NOT willing to pay for…not that I’m cheap, but reasonable…which leads me to my underwhelming and lonely dress-shopping experience! Until my Thursday morning adventure=) Lets just say Clarice's accidentally received a sample dress in the wrong size…this is a big deal! Smaller dresses in a sample room are great for me, however, the average woman is a little more blessed in other areas and needs room to breathe!!! And honestly, the orange clips make great gadgets to play with after the 4th dress when I start to space out and get bored of seeing white and listening to the ladies try to SELL me something I don’t really care for… I absolutely fell in love with this lady named Jazz AND her accent. she was awesome...and REAL! Jass was totally open and honest with how things looked and fit me. Which was exactly what I wanted! I hate it when people just click over and go into sales mode when showing me a dress..can you just pretend that I am your daughter or cousin and tell me I look fat or like a clown!! I had just finished telling her how I had always wanted a 12 ft. veil…but not sure if it’s practical with the dress style I was looking for. I love wedding photos with a long veil following:) She suddenly looked at how much dress she had clamped together in the bright orange clips, ran downstairs, and returned with a dress and a huge smile. Lets just say they didn’t receive a size 10 sample dress that they had ordered because someone slipped on the numbers and a 0 was ordered…Their mistake, but to my giggles and smiles, I walked out of a store today with a dress in hand! Ladies! Seriously…one shoulder and Maggie Sottero…hmmmm...perfect fit and EXACTLY what I was looking for!!! My goal was to relentlessly hunt for a dress under five hundred (dream wedding right?! Exactly!). Come on, with all the resources out there in the city there are some serious boutiques that will work with you, you just have to search! Well, I got it and it’s hanging in my closet right now, no alterations needed except for maybe an inch in the height. Turns out they were just going to let this dress sit in the back office until someone came in who could wear it came in and could walk out with it. Since they bought it as a sample, they got it at a sample dress price…and so did I.

Ceremony location (CHECK)
Reception location (CHECK)
Dress (CHECK)
Flowers ( TBA? )
Invitations ( TBA? )
Honeymoon ( mtg next Thursday am )
DJ ( mtg next Thursday am )

Next up:

I heart this...but all my baby pictures are in a box complements of the Military until April:( my wheels are still turning b/c I want to send friends and family who don't live within immediate distance something ASAP

As for asking my girls in my wedding party....more to come this week...here's a preview...I'm going to bed!

love is...being best friends

So I spent today with one of my favorite couples...and what a weekend to get married! Valentines day weekend=) and do these two have quite the friendship that deserves to get married on this weekend! The ceremony was in an absolutely stunning Roman Catholic Church in Belleville followe by a quite adorable reception at Bellecourt Manor...Congrats to Dan and Jessica!!






As for my Perfect Valentine, happy Valentines day honey!!! And oh so many more to come :)

DecisionsDecisions

Ceremony is here


and now decisions decisions to be made.
Flowers...
my first fav...


BUT I have always loved the bird of paradise ever since I lived in Hawaii
I don't think I want the traditional white flowers for me.....is that too different? i want fun...it's on the 4th of july, I want bright flowers (yet still elegant) that matches the fireworks that we will all enjoy mid-reception :)


Which makes these so attractive to me...but...girl talk with me ladies, opinions ??



And what is a wedding without a fun DIY project to look forward to :) Here's one I'm falling in love with....as well as their backdrop...which i fully believe I can make too if I want it...but I thought it would be adorable to have a variety of cupcakes on something similar:)

Shoes!

So, I am on the hunt for the perfect shoes that I can wear at my wedding...without feeling like I need to hire a personal masseuse at the strike of midnight!

midnight baby steps

how'd i do?!